Lancia Gammas. Who needs them!

Lancia Gammas. Who needs them!

You know you have been driving a Gamma for too long when:

1.   You break down, call the AA and they recognise your voice.
2.   When asked how many Gammas you own, you start thinking in fractions.
3.   All your friends and relatives comment on how much you remind them of Marti Feldman. This ‘look’ is because you drive with one eye on the temperature gauge and one eye on the oil pressure gauge.
4.   All the dents and scratches on your Gamma are proof that you haven’t found a third eye to keep on the road.
5.   You plan all journeys so there are no turns greater than 30 degrees. This is to avoid having to turn the steering wheel more than a quarter turn.
6.   You make no journeys at all between the hours of 11:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. during the months of May to October, just in case the ambient temperature rises above 15 degrees Celsius.
7.   When a friend gives you a lift in his/her Honda Accord you look at the passenger footwell and comment “this is very roomy, where do you keep the jump leads and 5 gallon plastic water container?”
8.   On the remote chance that the answer to 7 (above) is “in the boot” then you remark “in the boot? so where do you keep your spare engine?”
9.   You always park the car facing downhill and with the wheels straight. You of course put an old brick under the front wheel as you don’t trust the handbrake.
10.   At the end of each journey you feel a sense of achievement and not pleasure.

You know you are still hooked with the Gamma bug when:

1.   You give your Gamma a name and always refer to the car by his/her name.
2.   You always wish your Gamma “good morning” and “good night”.
3.   You always volunteer to go to the shops.
4.   When given a shopping list you first tear it half and then accidentally-on-purpose forget half of it at home so you can have two trips to the shops.
5.   When driving round any roundabout you pretend you missed your exit so you can go round it twice.
6.   You plan your journeys so you can take the longest route.
7.   When your friends invite you to join them for a night out you reply “not tonight, I have to wash my car” (of course you don’t actually say “car” but use the car’s name instead).
8.   You frame pictures of your Gamma and keep them on your bedside table and on your desk at work.
9.   You always park your Gamma in a place so that you can see it from the window of the house/building you are in.
10.   At the end of each journey you have a feeling of great pleasure (as well as a sense of achievement!).